This post is brought to you by not sleeping well for 2 days, and by soul-crushing sinus pain:
Whilst browsing the internets for something to alleviate my boredom, I stumbled across this article on
ancient writing. Now, archaeology and anthropology are fascinating areas of study that I like to learn more about. But as I read articles trying to tell me what an object was used for 60-thousand-hundred-million years ago, I have to stop and think.
What if these artifacts we find, these ancient relics of our human ancestors, were really just some kid's crappy art projects? There is no possible way to determine exactly what a thing was used for unless someone who lived at that time documented (in a language we understand) its use. If we found a 3-pronged fork-like object made out of, i dunno, jade or something, we would assume it was a fork and label it as such in the museums. How do we know it was used for eating? Maybe it was a stylish hair comb? It's made out of JADE for chrissakes. Or what if it was a ceremonial Stabbin' Trident? YOU DON'T KNOW!
Or MAYBE, just maybe, it was a 20-something "abstract" artist's idea of biting social commentary on the luxury of the non-slave classes. You just don't know! What I hope is that things we assumed were clay water jugs (such as the one pictured at right) were really chamber pots, and all those Egyptian Curses people from the 1920s suffered are really just centuries old diseases found in ancient Egyptian Poop.
That said, I'd like to propose something a little radical. To hell with good art. It's lovely and beautiful, but in another few millenia, whatever sentient race takes our place at the top of the food chain will be digging it up and making assumptions about who we were as a people. So let's give them something REALLY confusing to look at. Instead of making gorgeous works of art on canvas, do it on something that will last. Draw it on the walls of our modern dwellings, on anything that can be successfully preserved if buried for several thousand years. More importantly, however, you must make only the most ridiculous, abstract art. Then, put it in a clay hut at the foot of a volcano. (Hey, it worked in Pompeii.)
In a meel-yun years, do we really want to leave behind detailed descriptions of how life was in the 21st century? NO! We want to create as much ridiculous crap as ancient humans did for us. Get out there and draw some penises on washing machines and rusty cars. It's the only way we can win!
