Wednesday, April 21, 2010

"Maybe I should poke it......"

Saturday night, I came home from hanging out with my family, ready to microwave some turkey bacon and drink beer alone, when I noticed something.




Have you worked out what we're looking for?



That's right! A little blorpy fuzzy thing clinging to the screen. My first thought? Giant goddamn roaches that have grown fur to make us say "awww" before they hiss and spit acid into our eyeballs and devour our flesh.

But no, it was a bat! A tiny, fuzzy, non-threatening bat. So I did what anyone in my situation would do.



(Nothing happened. I did not receive The Rabies. It did not move at all. AT ALL.)

So I waited until Monday and told the apartment office, knowing full well the gape-mouthed yokels who work there would do nothing about it. The little bat didn't appear to have moved since my initial discovery, so I figured it was dead. BUT LO! Lazarusbat did arise from his slumber and devour the souls of the damned. No wait. That's some other story maybe...

Tuesday eve, upon deciding to let my dog go potty, I did stumble upon the Cutie Wuggums crawling around on the screen! I again did what any normal person would do: flee in terror and deadbolt the door behind me.


Several internal deliberations on the liklihood of myself or my dog receiving The Rabies later, I ventured out. Suddenly, Cutie Wuggums decided to FLOP ONTO THE WINDOWSILL AND CRAWL LIKE A BROKEN-ARMED ZOMBIE TOWARD ME. My dog was very confused by my darting motions and high-pitched squeal, but she does enjoy a run, so when I started to do that, she kept up pretty well. Here is what my fight or flight response mechanism told me I was running from:



Fortunately, when I came back, the bat was crawling on the screen under the glass of the window, and my tender flesh was safe...FOR NOW. The little bat was adorable, really he was. Behind a glass window he was. Yes.

Upon safe re-entry to my apartment, Roommate and I weighed our options and decided to try and catch it in a bag. At that point, we had vague notions of releasing it outside I guess? Being instinctively frightened of things that move in EXCEEDINGLY CREEPY WAYS, we squeamished out and decided to call animal control the following day.

Ultimately, it disappeared INTO THE GODDAMN AIR VENTS...TWICE and has not been seen since Tuesday night. I hope our terrifying, adorable, and hungry little friend [We also got to watch him eat a BUG (from the safety of a crack in our door)!!!] has found his brethren, but also hope it is not still in our air vents. I don't want to breathe The Rabies. I hear it's airborne and weaponized now. Yeah. It's like that.