Monday, November 8, 2010

Alternatives

It's been quite awhile since I posted, as I've been busy. I'm sure you have, too, so I'm not worried. I am, however, worried about some of our culture's colloquialisms. Most notably the phrase "Happy as a clam" or "happy as a bug in a rug." I'm not sure the origins of these words, but I am reasonably certain that clams are capable of neither happiness nor any other emotion. The same certainty extends to bugs and their affinity for rugs.

Therefore I'd like to propose some modern alternative phrases for the general population to use in everyday speech.
  1.  As happy as a turkey farmer on Thanksgiving. This one speaks to the massive demand for large, unprocessed turkeys on the U.S. holiday Thanksgiving. I do not know what Canadians eat for their holiday of the same name.
  2. As happy as the grim reaper on Judgment Day. I'd say this is self-explanatory.
  3. As happy as a squirrel in your walls. Okay, to be honest this one will probably not catch on with the general population. But how many times have you heard that scratching in your walls? It's obnoxious for us humans, but I imagine the squirrel is just pleased it found a warm spot to spend its winter.
You are welcome to use any of these that you like, but I'd like to see more use of the the turkey farmer on Thanksgiving phrase.

Speaking of farmers, go support your local farm stand before it shuts down for the winter. Farmers need your business. Alternatively, we could just start eating farmers.