Spiraling Out of Control

I forgot to post again. Bonk. Sorry.

So Sunday afternoon, Leah (http://chappaboogie.blogspot.com/) invited James, Frye, and me out for a lunch with her mother at a vegan restaurant called Spiral Diner. It should be noted that none of us are vegan, or even vegetarian. So keep that in mind.

The "greeter" at Spiral Diner is a statue of a robot thing made of a steel cage entwined with wood. (Oh how clever, trees are the organs HAR HAR) I knew I was in for a treat when the guy seating customers looked like a biker, but talked like a hippie. Unsurprisingly, the tiny little place was packed full of people. Most looked like standard "indie" people, but there were a few people (myself included) who did not look like they belonged. In the interest of an unbiased opinion of the food, I looked pointedly down at my menu and tried not to read the articles on the walls, most of which dealt with "environmental" issues in the DFW area.

The menu tries to pretend it isn't vegan, with menu items such as "Vegan Meatballs" and "Philly Cheez Steak." There are no meats or steaks involved with either dish. They even have a "Tofu Scramble" with "VEGAN BACON." I'm going to repeat that. VEGAN BACON.

OH HELL NO, you did NOT JUST MAKE FAKE BACON!?!!?!????!~!~!asldhfkaushdif

Ahem. Bacon is sacred to me. Sorry.

So I got the "Chik'nless Salad Sandwich." Here's the description from their website, "Diced Seitan (wheat-meat) tossed with a mayo/mustard dressing, spices, chopped apples, cranberries and pecans. Topped off with lettuce, tomato and a hint of vegan mayo. Served on Toasted Organic Multi-grain Bread."

Ok excuse me a moment while I laugh my ass off at you hippies. You're trying to make this sound as much like a chicken salad sandwich as possible, even going so far as to describe its main ingredient as "WHEAT MEAT." Why are you making substitutes for meat? I mean... aren't you basically saying "Well we don't like meat, but we really need to eat meat." I just... buh.. anyway.

That said, the sandwich wasn't bad at all. It came with potato salad or corn chips, and I chose the potato salad. Also pretty tasty. I was a little surprised, actually. If they hadn't slapped me in the face with the words "vegan" and "organic" and had, instead, just said "it's got all the crap you like in chicken salad without the chicken" I would have been a happy camper. I have no problem eating meatless food as long as you don't try to preach at me.

After I finished eating, I chanced a look around at the walls. To my immediate right was a great little article about some hippies saving a tree. On top of the wall sat a Jesus action figure with a little chef hat. Bit presumptuous, but eh. Then we went up front to pay. Biker Dude was there, and sitting next to the register was a vegan propaganda book, the title of which I have forgotten.

Just in case all the meatless food around you wasn't enough of a tip off, here's a reminder that you are at hippie central, and your leather wallet and purse are not appreciated.

All in all, it was an amusing experience, and I'd eat the food again, though I'd be reluctant to try any of their other "meat-like" products, and I cannot fathom eating grilled tofu. Eh...I'm cynical and opinionated, so here's their website. Decide for yourself.

Spiral Diner